i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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