I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
