how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
zippers are such a cool invention
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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