im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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