New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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