Someone shit on the floor
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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