she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
