i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
