So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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