Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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