Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
