He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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