chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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