Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
