You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so let's talk penis.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
tell me about the fingering
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