you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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