Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
