It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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