his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
