I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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