Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
