Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
