guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
