you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
