I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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