Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
