i just google imaged poop.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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