she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
