i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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