dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
