I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
