I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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