It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
