im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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