Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize