She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
