i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
