I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
