Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
