i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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