i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
