you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
