i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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