Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
