He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
