Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
