the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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