Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
