I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
