so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
