I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
