I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
