***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize