We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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