I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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