woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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