my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
