Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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