In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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