no, he came in my armpit
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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