I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
