Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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