I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
