How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
