**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
