I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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