She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
