I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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