he wants to bone in the snuggie
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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