i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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