Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
