so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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