babies were throwing up all over the place
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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